Big Jim Jack from Augusta National Golf Club answers the phone for Tiger Woods. He doesn’t quite know what to do with someone so “different”, as Tiger’s ‘kind’.
Tiger then talks to the Musers, which his mom says “Herro”, after winning the Augusta National.
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For the course the Tig-ster couldn’t even gain access to back in the day, runs this bitch like the whites are his Mexicans. Funny how that stuff works, huh. Well I’d like to hang with El Tigre loco. I will shoot 40 under par against his game today.
If I do not fufull my debt to el Tigre, then he has the right to bake me a pan of really cool pot brownies!. 
(I can also neither confirm or deny that these comments made one lick of sense and they were written out of a short bus by the short bus front seat patron.
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The Musers called the Fake Tiger Woods at his usual rental house. Tiger came in 2nd place at the Masters after playing horrible. Angry Fake Tiger decided to use lots of bad words in his interview. Enjoy:
